im really lougan

Career Day

2009-04-02T05:01:27Z

today's been a career day,
futures made and fortunes lost,
as i'm standing in the lobby
waiting for the elevator to take me away
up to nine or ten... maybe eleven
the sound of sirens fading
as she whispers in my ear
shes saying... its to late to wish success
so get undressed and please just come to bed
Cause im the last real thing you've got
your cursed by all ambitious thought

is that you've got?

As for you, you've spun a story
like a spider spins a web.
see thats a metaphor, no wait a simile
i'm still learnin but i think i'm getting better
i'm not tortured, how are you ever going to relate
I've been condemned by those i love
wishing me the worst as i try my best
but shes the last real thing i've got
i'm cursed by all ambitions thoughts

Close your eyes...
And cover, cover your ears...
for the end is near.
but the beginning is here.

In with the outro, and out with the old
In with the outro, and out with the old
In with the outro, and out with the old
im gonna tie all the lose ends i once broke
In with the outro, and out with the old
we're preparing for failure, its what we've been told
In with the outro, and out with the old
there's nothing to offer, so nothings been sold
In with the outro, and out with the old
forgive me and give me just one chance to fold
In with the outro, and out with the old
theres nothing to lose, when theres nothing to hold
In with the outro, and out with the old

so just forget the noise in the room,
the void in your heart
we'll be together in the morning.

default

2009-03-23T13:45:10Z

the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out.

I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no.

those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no.

I need you so much closer

bleh

2009-01-20T00:45:18Z

I've had one of those, man I wanna post something moments. But really, I have nothing to post about. Just got home late last night from SC. Didn't really sleep last night. Now I'm just kinda here...

I dunno. I just feel anxious. its unnerving.

two posts!

2009-01-18T07:44:53Z

holy crap,

I'm posting again. Though, I'm sure its due to the late hour and the gin and tonic. Its pretty late right now, no one is online. its pretty quiet on the interweb and in this house. At the moment, I'm in SC. It seems like a I travel lots and lots. Though, I don't do it quite as much as I used to. I miss my random trips to NC and other states. it was alot of fun.

Life just bleh. I'm still working on the mush from last entry.

Letters of Power

2006-04-30T15:03:42Z

ok so I ended up getting swayed into posting in this thing.
sick huh?

Anyway, this is how this works. I was given a letter by the infamous Kahla, and I must say what that letter means to me. The you guys respond. And I supposedly give you a letter. Got it? Good. Lets go!

"C is for Crazy"

Commit this to Memory (Motion City Soundtrack): Probably the album of my life right now. not 100% sure why. It just hits the right... chord? hehe.

Camera: I need a new camera. My old camera is about to die. Its had a good 5 years... but it needs to be laided to rest.

Coffee: TRIPLE VENTI PEPPERMENT WHITE MOCHA! I want some coffee right now. Back in December, Dell realized all i needed to sell the fuck out of computers was starbucks coffee and cigarette breaks.

Cigarettes: They keep me awake, when need be.

Chicken: By far my favorite food. Yeah, crazy I am. But I love chicken and you should too.

Cellular Phone: I love my phone. People should call it more. It even tells me when my server is acting funny. How many phones will do that??

-----

Can't do things right: thats right I cant do things right

Computers: Yeah I sell computers left and right. I'm way too good at it.

Cantalopes: My favorite Melon.

Car Keys: I carry way too much stuff on my key chain.

Well life is has been... pretty damned interesting. IRB is doing great. None of you livejournal people go to it anymore. After the end of Brink, I probably wouldnt. But I'm happy. Those of you in the IRB family, I'm glad to have you. Its great when no one argues.

Thanks for a Drama Free IRB.

lougan @ 2005-08-22T23:10:00

2005-08-23T04:16:00Z

we're going down down in an earlier round. and sugar we're going down swining. I'll be your number one with a bullet, a loaded gun complex cock it and pull it.

damn, thats so catchy.

I've been procuring more and more music. Damn people and their influence on me. I even listen to this stuff at work.... to the annoyance of my coworkers.

Oh well. I really never know what to write in these things. Probably because I'm so used to letting things be done by others. I remember back in the day, I used to update IRB every fucking day. things were crazy back then.

I'll just continue my enjoyable night here on my porch. Thank god for wireless internet.

shew.

ok so yeah.

2005-08-18T12:45:13Z

ok so yeah... ive been gone from live journal for a long long long time. i guess its because I am old. Getting old is the name of the game. I have never been one to divulge details about my life in an internet journal. Hell, I dont even do it on IRB. Yep thats right kiddies, the beautiful website itself, imreallybored.com. 100% of you who read this probably know that I run it. So I suppose i should divulge a little drama which is typical of the IRB Lifestyle.

we have some unnamed parties

unnamed female party #1
unnamed male party #2
unnamed female party #3
unnamed male party #4

Ok, the names have been changed to protect from STD's.

So... unnamed female party #1 likes unnamed male party #2. ok, thats fine and dandy. Love is a beautiful thing. Then unamed male party #2 falls for unnamed female party number #4. This is quite unexpected. So unnamed female party #1 feels scorned. TO ADD to this. We have unnamed male party number #4 who has liked both unnamed female parties. And thus apparently hates unnamed male party #2 for his thwarting of unnamed male party #4 from getting a girl. Both unnamed female parties are annoyed by unnamed male party #4.

Now that makes perfect sense right? I have no idea. Its a pretty delicate situation. I think I should write a book one day. I will make goobles of money. Thats right, i said goobles. I am the one. I make up silly words at 7:39 am, while still in bed feeling like shit.

So, one last thing.

1. Reply with your name and I will write something random about you.
2. I will then tell you what song/movie reminds me of you.
3. I will pick a flavor of jello to wrestle with you in.
4. I will say something that only makes sense to you and me.
5. I will tell you my first memory of you.
6. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
7. I'll then ask you something that I've always wondered about you.
8. Put this in your own journal.

yeah i kinda said i would do this. Holy hell... i just updated my live journal. hell has indeed frozen over.

yay

2005-01-25T14:43:39Z

looks like i have to go face my advisor and get the information i need to graduate. ... Graduation. I dont want to graduate. I'm happy in my little college world. I dont want to go out to the real world.

Do i have to?

sigh

2005-01-17T05:06:42Z

you know its been a long time since ive talked in here. The last entry just seems so trivial. Today, hurt. It really did. I really dont want to go into the details of it. Which you know, I usually don't do anyway. I tend to fall into myself when I feelings like this. I guess its because sometimes the only person I feel I can really count on is myself. And thats probably true in a lot of cases. I know im not alone. I know I have people that love and care for me.

I'll just deal with this. Probably shouldnt have said anything anyway.

the endem.

why to hate.

2004-09-16T02:46:09Z

You know. There are few people in the world that I hate. In fact, most people on this website can list off the people I hate with out any trouble at all. Of course, I'm not going to mention any names, because I'm not the most horrible person in the world. But I would like to mention a few things about what it actually takes for me to hate someone.

First of all, you have to betray me, usually several times. Most the time, I'm pretty good at forgiving people that stab me in the back. However, it takes a special kind of back stabbing to make me hate you. That kind of backstabbing is pretty serious. Backstabbing like that requires a mass amount of people. And a sad attempt to get them all to dislike me.

Second of all, you have to make me feel horrible about myself. Even go as far as to make me hate myself. Very few people get close enough to me to be able to do that. Usually it comes from someone I implicitly trust. Very Very few people have ever done something like that to me. Most of my worst enemies wouldnt even do something like that. However it has been done... But thats still not enough to make me hate you.

Third of all, you have to attempt to destroy friendships I have with people. Which also includes attacking IRB. When you go as far as to get the people I love to hate me. You have really really really try to get people to hate me. The people I respect. The people that i Love.

It's almost impossible to make me hate someone. It takes the combination of those three things to drive me to hate someone. And to this day only one person has pushed me to that level. Has another? I suppose we'll soon find out...

Grrr

2004-05-28T18:23:24Z

You know it really annoys me when people make fun of other people's misfortunes. Especially when its over petty crap.

I was hanging out with my friend sam, and shawn comes on, making fun of amanda because shes out on her own. Its seriously not a cool thing to do. Kicking people when they are down is really not cool. Especially when its because she's your ex girl-friend.

People shouldnt be so petty. Its not mature.

i win

2004-03-08T16:32:36Z

I win, mary loses. finally. No more bashing, no more attacks, i can post freely without problem. Thanks to kalen. Who would have ever thought.

Whats really interesting is that i went to church on Sunday, for the first time in a while. And i actually prayed. I prayed that someone would say something to mary to make her stop. And it was one of those heart felt deep in my heart god please help me sort of deals. When i got home, I was IMing Kalen to see if she wanted to have lunch on friday, since ill be passing through there, and then i read something mary said, an obvious bash at me, in a Martha Stewart thread.

I said:
"Yes they can, its call THE LAW, its there for a reason. Laws are not put in place to be used sometimes, and sometimes not." In response to someone saying that some laws can be enforced when needed.

Mary then quoted me and said
"Much like Catholicism! You can't pick and choose what to believe. Ironic to be seeing such things said out of you, Lougan. The picker and chooser of Dogmatic Law."

She claims it wasnt an attack on me, but surely it obviously was. So I backspaced what I was saying to kalen, and told her hey look at that. Turns out she already read it, and was going to say something to mary.

She then warned us:
"Mary & Lougan (under the streetlights):

If either of you address each other one more time, you're both going to be banned for a week.

JUST STOP for the LOVE OF GOD.

Ignore each other. Don't reply to each other. Don't make posts that hint around to each other. Don't even mention each other to me.

Stop, stop, stop. Everyone is sick of it.

(I'm sorry but it came down to this because neither of you will take my advice when you both msg me and ask me what to do).

Quit."

Which I was happy about, because I know i didnt do anything, well except apologize. So now, mary cant do anything to me. I can finally say what i want to say. I can finally be happy.

Life is good.

hmm

2004-02-18T06:26:38Z

No more clip clop. Thats just something i never expected to see. For the longest time I hated it. I disliked everything it stood for. Now, I'm sad that its gone. I suppose the community will survive. If it wants too. Maybe some of the will come to irb, and help make it an even better community. Then again maybe not. Something tells me though, that this isnt the end of the story.

of whosits and whatsits

2004-02-06T14:45:08Z

i am in an odd mood. I suppose indifference is catching up with me. Oddly enough, the internet has been a weird place lately. I suppose its because I've been so detacted from it lately. Not so detached from irb and clip clop, but thats really all ive done for the last 2 months. Suddenly jumping head first into everything else has been a big whoa. Of course most people would say, huh what? But when you look at just the sheer number of things going on in Yahoo Chat, its pretty amazing. Whats really amazing is that no matter how many people are in Yahoo Chat, there is STILL no one to talk to.

I think the next innovation of the internet is a good easy simple way to meet people online with out haveing to do any work. Say, put in your likes and dislikes, and Chat will toss you into a chat room with the people that you want to talk to. In not a room full of 40 year old men pretending to be 17 looking for teenage girls to have cyber sex with. Men that occasionally IM me wanting sex, then getting mad at me because I am a guy and "west of the city lights" sounds like it would be a girl. Hell its not my fault they IMed me.

yeah... that would be kick ass.

whats wrong with me

2004-01-21T23:05:25Z

what is up with me? why am i so depressed all of the sudden. I dont really get it. I suppose that I'm a really complex individual. I always have to do things my way. I always have to say things in the manner in which i say them. I'm too damned passionate about to many things. And in the end, I one, come out looking like an ass. Two, I come out looking bad. And then when i realize what i do, I turn into this sad depressed overly dramatic person. This person that hate so much. I swear to god, i feel so damned guilty and it kills me. I suppose i just get really disappointed in myself. I always think myself to be this person that is compassionate, who is for the most part level headed. And for that I thank my so many of my friends. I just hope they realize that I depend on them to help me calm down. To let me know that its ok to feel the way I do. And help me not get pissed off at many things.

I dont know, sometimes it hurts to doubt someone you put alot of faith in. I hate doubt. Doubt scares the shit out of me. What scares me, is that when i feel that i can finally put faith into someone, and know that they will always be there its a great feeling. But when im stressed, when i feel everything getting a little tight, and that little twinge of doubt pops into my head... Jesus christ I am thrown through an emotional nightmare of turmoil and guilt. What did I do wrong, How can i fix this, What is wrong with me. These things echo in my head for hours and hours. It kills me. Even the most stupid things bother me.

For instance, when Nova did thier little thing. Was i pissed off at everyone? No. What did i do? I blamed myself. I feel that I was responsible for something that was obviously not my fault. I just wanted it to be fixed. And everything to be better.

Another example. Clip Clop. Sometimes i can be a little overbearing. I suppose i could just shrug it off and say, hey thats just the way i am. And to me, thats not a good excuse. I want to be the best at something i can be. And i hate it when i fail.

especially when i do miserably.

at least when i do, there are

Me Indie? no way

2004-01-08T07:23:44Z

Which 1990's Subculture Do You Belong To?

[Another Quiz by Kris
@ couplandesque.net]

me indie? is such a thing possible?

happy new year

2004-01-01T08:41:02Z

i just want to say thanks to Emily and Jimmy (yes that emily and jimmy) for all their help tonight. I'm glad that things could be better between all of us. And im glad someone else thinks this should all end. It was good seeing you guys again, and hopefully, we can hang out more again sometime. Also, thanks for helping drag Rob. You guys are cool.

to all my minions and whores

2003-12-31T14:18:53Z

i wish i had minions and whores.

you know...

2003-12-30T19:37:44Z

being an asshole really doesnt suit me.

So I make this promise. I will NOT do anything derrogatory to the nature of the Mary Ellen. She has done many things for me. And for that, I should thank her. So i apologize for all that i have done, and no, i do not expect an apology back.

no towels

2003-12-30T16:05:43Z

you know, there is nothing quite as funny as not having any towels. especially when you get out of the shower and realize it. luckily, i was saved from this fate by maren.

however, the hair is really really wanting to be washed. I hate having thick, unmanagable hair. but at least i dont have a receeding hair line, like poor shawn.

lougan is BACK

2003-12-29T20:23:34Z

hey everybody!

thats right, i'm back in the Boro. After a nice little vacation from the internet, i had alot of time to think about alot of things. I suppose the net world can really suck a person in sometimes, but what one has to realize is that life is more than just this overwhelming mess of poop.

all i can say, is that ive missed everyone, and its good to be back where i should be.

On contacts and the need to say something

2003-12-22T20:56:16Z

first of all, i find it rather challenging to post when you cant see anything, its almost like trying to wander around in the dark. Well, except everything is bright... but somewhat blurred. I suppose it would be more like posting with goggles filled with water... anyways...

beyond the randomness, i just felt the need to post something. I've been playing with LJ here for the last few days. Im kinda getting to like it, though, blogger is pretty damned cool to. I dont really care either way. There is more community here. Speaking of which, i would like to tell all of you who have me as "friend" thanks :). sorry it took me a little while to get you added, as i said i am new at this.

In anycase, if i didnt add you, and you want to be added, let me know.

a letter to the log

2003-12-22T19:15:15Z

"To The Log:

I never really understood the full extent of your lameness until I was informed of some comments you made regarding vegetarians. Ladies and gentlemen, this Log found yet another ridiculous way to get sympathy for himself! Or so he'd like to think. In reality, the majority of us are just laughing at you. Laughing. Hard. Attributing my choice and the choice of one of my friends to go vegetarian as some sort of plot to ruin your pathetic life is yet another example of the thought processes of such a worthless being. Congratulations! You are officially the losingest loser of the week."

Who ever this log is, he must be a dangerous fellow. I will have to keep an eye on him. if i am ever to see him. You know, he probably was just making a joke. Of course, i wouldnt expect anyone to understand sarcasm. Good thing this Log person hasnt read this. Though, I'm pretty sure he wouldnt care. He more than likely doesnt need sympathy, he probably just said that to show how slow other people are in realizing just what sarcasm is.

Oh well, Life goes on.

i maintain

2003-12-22T08:41:49Z

i maintain that i was drunk when i made comments about vegetarian world war 3.

So in that sense, it is not my fault that it was said.

however, it is nice to see people are reading my journal, enough to say im a miserable worthless human being.

I miss you too mary. oddly enough, i mean that.

Lougan is Nazi

2003-12-21T18:59:24Z

Ive decided i must be nazi germany.